One pressure that many of us feel is regarding the orderliness of the our homes. I remember as a child doing chores on the weekend and having to disinfect the insides of cabinets on a weekly basis. Maybe some of you do this now. I will say, without reservation, that I don’t. I reserve this level of cleaning on an as needed basis. And I also admit that as a child I cut corners because I couldn’t imagine that the insides of cabinets could get that dirty on a weekly basis. You know what I learned? No one was the wiser; no one recognized the difference as to when I cleaned it or not (at least not until my mom reads this post). I will write more on the invisibility of household labor in other post. Ultimately, I learned I could finish chores sooner and got to what I really wanted to do, play outside.
While my son was younger, dishes and housework lost some ground in my hierarchy of things that had to be done. However, now one of his favorite activities is to stand on a chair and play in the sink. Watching him playing in the water, washing dishes, pouring it from one container to another, and splashing makes me want to keep the sink free from dishes–now that is intrinsic motivation. And I know some who get a bit itchy at the “mess” that this creates, the joy that he takes away from the experience, how much his senses and coordination are involved, makes it a high priority for me. As an added benefit, he is often so engrossed in the activity that I can usually prepare dinner beside him without one whine or request for my attention–a true gift from an 18 month old.
14 months old and busy playing at the sink
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March 13th, 2009 at 4:49 pm
Before I had children people would say they could eat of my floor. My house was always clean. It was the way I was raised. Now after having children, I have found that there has to be a balance. I know chores have to be completed, but I don’t feel the need for them to be done perfect or at an instance. I used to never leave dishes in the sink. That was a huge NO! NO! Now they can wait. I would rather spend my time reading or playing games with my children. They are the most important. I can clean every day for the rest of my life, but my children will only be little for so long. Plus, every minute that I invest with them now they will carry a life time. There is no choice when it comes to them. Cleaning can be done when they are asleep or at a time when they are busy.
March 14th, 2009 at 5:18 am
This made me laugh because I remember skipping the ironing one week and hanging it all up in the bathroom to “steam” while I showered. No one could tell the difference and I got away with it.
Now that I have my own place though, the only places I freak out about are the bathroom and the kitchen. Those two places have to be spotless for me to even be able to walk into otherwise I can’t get anything else done.
March 14th, 2009 at 5:08 pm
Kids and household perfection don’t mix. A sterile, well organized house or apartment is the province of the folks who don’t have children who need to be played with and talked to. Not everyone is up for the joyful chaos kids cause, but most of it wouldn’t miss it.
March 15th, 2009 at 9:37 am
I am a mother of two and they are not quite grown up. So often they keep the rooms in most disorderly fashion. At first I tried to stop them from doing it. But later on, like you, I realized that they got immense pleasure by playing with trivial things scattered all over the floor and it gave me much needed time for other household work. Initially I had to put some effort to make the floor tidy and now they do it after they have finished their play.
March 15th, 2009 at 3:37 pm
For busy mothers who long to be with their children can compensate during weekends. We may try to satisfy by giving the best gifts but what they actually need is You and You only. Never compromise anything for your kid. What your kid will become in the future depends on how you love and show that love to them now. That is why I think even God’s love is sometimes compared to mother’s love. Dont worry if they mess up things, if they scribble we can also enjoy scribbling, if they play with water, we can also play with them.
March 15th, 2009 at 9:31 pm
But if you find a good home daycare — one you feel comfortable leaving your child in every day — it can be a wonderful alternative to in-home care or center care. Your child has all the comforts and security of a home setting as well as other children to play and socialize with.
March 16th, 2009 at 9:10 am
Water play is so great for children. I bring out a little table and set up a bin with water in it for my now 17 month old. Yes, the water gets everywhere, but as you can see from the picture above, they get so much out of the experience — and imagine what they’re learning.
As for housecleaning… ugh! The only time my house is clean are the few hours after she goes to bed. We were both sick this week and I couldn’t force myself to clean at all… I only have one child but am seriously considering hiring a cleaner or mother’s helper just to come in and tidy so I can do what’s most important — spending time with my baby.
March 16th, 2009 at 6:02 pm
Ricardo,
This is definitely something that I am challenged by. I am very happy with my son’s Montessori program that he goes to, but I struggle because I know he will and cannot get the same care from someone else as he can by me. He is after all only there for a few hours in the morning, and spends the rest of the day with me. But I do believe that every family needs to make the best decision for that individual family. Not everyone is cut out for the stay-at-home life and can be much better, more effective, loving parents when they come home from work.
March 16th, 2009 at 6:07 pm
Fluffy,
That is what we do for housecleaning. The best thing I ever did was when we hired our most recent babysitter was to ask how she felt about light housecleaning. She was totally on board and said she would feel bad if L was sleeping if she just sat and read or watched TV. Then for some of the deep cleaning, we have a local house cleaner come in once a month. Not only do we get the benefit of a deep good cleaning in the house, but we are supporting a local businesswoman who employs local women. That is something I can get behind, and the extra stress of that is off my plate. Of course I still do a lot of the daily cleaning, but L is beginning to understand that toys have their place on his shelves and if reminded, even puts them away! Even if he doesn’t, his favorite game with dad to play is to sit in his little toboggan and take a ride around the house picking up all his toys and other things that are on the floor!